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Candidates won't take Dean's idea sitting down
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By Frank Cerabino
Palm Beach Post Staff Writer
Friday, April 04, 2008
News item: Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean pledged to allow Florida to send delegates to the national convention this summer. Dean said it will be up to the Clinton and Obama campaigns to work out the details.
Frank Cerabino
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What are these?
From: Chairman Dean
To: Obama, Clinton campaigns
Subject: Florida compromise
We need Florida, but I'm concerned that letting Florida back into the convention will send a signal to the other states that they, too, can ignore the DNC's primary schedule without suffering any consequences.
So here's my idea: We don't "seat" the Florida delegates. We make them stand way in the back behind the American Samoa delegation. Thoughts?
Let's conference call. Is 3 a.m. OK with you, too, Barack?
From: Clinton campaign
To: Chairman Dean
Subject: "Standing" Florida
Sen. Clinton won Florida with the help of many older women. Having their representatives stand in the back behind a bunch of Samoans is an act of misogyny. Chairman Dean, you owe the women of America an apology.
From: Obama campaign
To: Clinton campaign
Subject: Victory/Samoans
Sen. Clinton didn't "win" Florida. The primary was invalid, and the 1.7 million Democrats who showed up were primarily there to vote on a property tax amendment.
Furthermore, Samoans are a proud people, and to suggest that they are lesser beings on God's green earth than white grandmothers - who are probably a little bit racist, just like my own grandmother - is a slap in the face to people of color. Sen. Clinton owes Samoans an apology.
From: Clinton campaign
To: Obama campaign
Subject: Speaking of God
Will a hypothetical Barack Obama convention involve the Rev. Jeremiah Wright leading the convention delegates in a rousing rendition of God @#$% America? Just wondering.
From: Obama campaign
To: Clinton campaign
Subject: Wondering, too
Will a hypothetical Hillary Clinton convention involve the nominee inventing a story about taking sniper fire while arriving at the Denver airport with Jimmy J.J. Walker?
From: Chairman Dean
To: Obama, Clinton campaigns
Subject: Let's stick to Florida
We need to stop these personal attacks and find a way to agree on getting Florida represented.
Here's an idea: Being that Hillary beat Barack in Florida by an 870,986-to-576,214 margin (a 60-40 split), divide up the 185 delegates in that same proportion, giving Hillary 111 delegates and Barack 74. Thoughts?
From: Obama campaign
To: Chairman Dean
Subject: The way we see the numbers
Hillary's votes in Florida were actually 49.77 percent of all the votes cast in the eight-candidate Democratic primary. If she wants those votes to count, give her that proportion of the delegates: which means Hillary gets 92. As the remaining candidate, we'll take the remaining 93. (Yes, we can.)
From: Clinton campaign
To: Chairman Dean
Subject: Oba-math
If you do that, Sen. Clinton will "get in touch with her emotions" again - this time, the full waterworks - while Bill gets unmuzzled for more red-faced, finger-waving rants.
From: Chairman Dean
To: Obama, Clinton campaigns
Subject: You left me no choice.
The party must be saved. I'm running for president again. Heeyyaaahhhhh!
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